NOTE: I am not a doctor and this is not medical advice. This information should not be treated as medical advice. I don't know your particular allergic conditions or the severity of your allergy. You should use this information as an opportunity to explore the issue with your allergist or other qualified medical professional.
I really enjoy Thai food. It's a blend of so many things I love to eat. Unfortunately, it's also full of coconut. I love the taste of coconut but my body hates it. I have a severe allergy to it. It's not quite peanut allergy bad but if I eat a chunk of raw coconut my throat gets incredibly itchy and starts to close. For me any kind of raw coconut is asking for trouble but the flesh is the worst. That means a lot of Thai food, German chocolate cake and all sorts of other coconut desserts are not an option for me. For a long time I feared any coconut would risk death so when I made Thai dishes I had to substitute out the coconut cream and coconut milk for other products. One time I tried making a curry with coconut milk and as it turns out I can eat food with cooked coconut milk or cream. I've tried cooked coconut flesh (like coconut flakes or grated coconut) and can handle it in very small amounts without a problem. However, some people may have an allergy that isn't abated by cooking the coconut so these are some options to consider.
Coconut adds body, sweetness, fat and aromatics to Thai food in a way that is hard to truly replicate but it's not an ingredient that can be completely omitted from most recipes. In my opinion unsweetened soy milk is as close as you can get to coconut milk in terms of adding body and fat to the recipe. It lacks the subtle sweetness and aromatics of coconut milk but it will at least get you to the right texture which I think is truly important for a curry. If you also have a soy allergy then you might try an unsweetened almond milk or cashew milk but I think the nutty flavor is too assertive. Cow milk could be an option but you would probably have to boil it down to get it to a thicker consistency. It's absolutely the wrong flavor so I would not use cow milk unless I absolutely had to.
Coconut cream is also used in Thai food in a way that magnifies the coconut character in the dish. It is sweeter, fattier and more intensely aromatic than coconut milk. That makes it tough to replicate with a substitute. The closest option is probably slowly simmered down sweetened soy milk. You might even need to add some sugar to match the sweetness of coconut cream. Some people suggest using condensed cow milk, which is sweetened, which gets the right consistency and sweetness but is even more distant from the coconut cream in terms of flavor.
Personally I do not think there is a great substitute for coconut cream and if the recipe calls for a small amount I might just omit it rather than introduce an unwelcome flavor. Otherwise I would opt for cooking down sweetened soy milk. Fortunately there are a lot of Americanized recipes that do not contain coconut cream so if you can't find a good substitute for a recipe calling for coconut cream then maybe look at a different recipe that only uses coconut milk (far easier to find in American grocery stores) might be a better option. If you need to use coconut cream then how it works in the recipe would guide my preference for a substitute. For coconut cream in a curry paste I would opt for either condensed cow milk or simmered down sweetened soy milk. If it is used as a singular component in a curry or other dish then I would definitely opt for simmered down sweetened soy milk because it's as close to the right flavor as it gets. Condensed milk is fine where it is used mostly as a thickener and sweetener in a small amount, such as a curry paste, but cow milk flavor just doesn't belong in Thai food.
Coconut flesh is the toughest substitute because it is a solid food with a particular texture and flavor. It's sweet but not as sweet or fatty as coconut cream. Flavor-wise the closest is coconut milk but it's going to miss the texture and may need to be reduced to avoid adding additional liquid. Coconut milk is roughly five times as much volume (due to the liquid) as grated coconut and I would adjust the recipe to account for the flavor added by the coconut flesh to an equivalent amount of coconut milk and reduce the coconut milk to avoid the excess liquid. If you feel like you need the texture of coconut some options for you are to soak a solid ingredient in coconut milk (or maybe reduced coconut milk) to convert the flavor. Puffed rice or shaved almonds would be good options. I've seen various other suggestions, including well-rinsed sauerkraut, but I'd opt for the rice or almonds myself. If the coconut flesh is going uncooked then I would have to omit it myself but you could make some substitutions based on your own allergy.
The big problem with all of these substitutes is that they lack the aromatics of coconut. Some people have suggested using coconut extracts or artificial flavors to add the coconut flavor. Coconut extracts made from actual coconut provides no help for a coconut allergy because it's likely to produce the same allergic response. It is, after all, still coconut. Artificial coconut flavors might work for uncooked options but often artificial flavorings for fruits and nuts break down into less than ideal flavors when cooked, especially at high heat like a stir fry or curry. It is worth a try if you just can't settle for a substitute that lacks the flavor of coconut and cannot consume coconut even when cooked.
If you have some other ideas on great coconut substitutes that worked for you then feel free to add a comment and let me know what worked for you. I'm still searching for the perfect substitute to enjoy German chocolate cake.
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